“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
The Graces of Gratitude
“Thank you.”
“That was so nice of you!”
“I appreciate your help.”
Simple wo
rds express what science, philosophy and religion agree is an essential virtue — gratitude. While the terms that acknowledge a good action someone took on your behalf or that accept your good action for someone else are simple, the concept of gratitude is complicated.
Expressing your appreciation and being appreciated makes you feel good. But there’s much more to gratitude than a passing emotional lift. In his article “35 Scientific Benefits of Gratitude: Mental Health Research Findings,”1 Imed Bouchrika, Ph.D., quotes neuropsychological studies that show gratitude impacts moral judgment and plays a role in social bonding and has physical health benefits, among them: improving sleep, lowering high blood pressure, and strengthening our immune system.
“I’m not surprised to find out that gratitude can affect us physically,” says Sister Marise May, who has been ministering as a Spiritual Director for 35 years. “Look at the studies on stress, how stress affects us physically and psychologically. It seems people heal or get better faster from illness when they have a good attitude.”
Sister Marise jokes that expressing gratitude is so important to her that “my spiritual director must be tired of hearing how grateful I am because I come with a list each month.” But her directees — those she provides spiritual direction to — need some nudging.
“I have to remind people to express their gratitude to God,” she says. “It’s amazing how many people think of prayer only as asking for things. We don’t do that with friends or relatives; come to them to ask for something. So, when directees talk about something good that has happened, I challenge them — ‘How did you thank God for that?’ I usually hear, ‘Oh, I didn’t think about that.’ You’d think you would like to tell God how you feel.”
If it seems that it is easier to be critical of others than to show appreciation, that’s because it’s true. There is an area in our brains that makes it easier for us to criticize people than to thank them,2 and variations in a gene we are born with influence how grateful — or ungrateful — we are.3
Sister Jean Canora has spent years ministering in the health field, including mental and behavioral health. She says people often don’t say thank you because they feel the individual “was just doing their job” or that we take life’s more mundane aspects for granted.
“I always think about going to the New York State Fair and the people in the restrooms who are there to keep them clean,” she says. “I always thank them. It’s not an easy job to clean up after people. And people say, ‘You don’t have to thank her, that’s her job.’ I know it is, but it’s nice to hear thank you every once in a while. People do appreciate it. They light up because it’s unexpected.”
Franciscan Spirit Fall 2023
